The loss of single-sex spaces is one of the most important issues raging in the trans debate. The right to sex segregated spaces is one that not only impacts women, as a sex class, but also homosexuals.
Perhaps the biggest reason that gay men remain asleep to this issue is the fact that they’re unaware of how it affects them. Our lesbian sisters have been speaking on how these issues have impacted their community but gay men, as a demographic, have ignored them. And now the issues that have plagued their community has taken over ours.
Grindr has been taken over by straight women. Yet, the outrage is absent. This is because, once again, gay men are still asleep to the issue—and have allowed heterosexuals to co-opt our community and spaces. Many seem to believe our community to still be intact, more so than lesbians…but that simply isn’t the case.
Every public gay male space in the country has been diluted with inclusion policies. All that remains is privately owned land, similar to womyn’s land, and private parties. And even if some of these spaces manage to remain primarily gay male only, an inclusion policy is still a loss.
Dating apps have been taken over by heterosexual women cosplaying as gay men. Gay men are kicked off these apps for rejecting trans identified people of the opposite sex. I’ve been seeing ‘transmen’ on Grindr since 2014.
Gay male sex positive spaces have been infiltrated as well. Transgender institutions are distributing documents encouraging straight women to “stealth” and rape gay men by deception. Gay men have shared their stories on Twitter about being sexually pressured, and even assaulted, by trans identified females.
Older gay men have expressed their concern to me about the lack of dating options. I spoke about how desperately I want to take to the streets and protest, and gay male elders had to remind me of my “marriage privilege”. I don’t have to think about dating the way single gay men do, and I haven’t seen the extent of the damage to gay males caused by the lack of single-sex spaces. I had to be reminded that forming private, speakeasy dating spaces, just as we did all those decades ago, has now become just as vital as protesting.
It was a grim reminder of how much our community has been captured and taken over. Gay men have now been forced back into the shadows…into the closet.
It extends to online, too. The Boxer Ceiling File is documenting the abuse gay men receive for rejecting trans people. It’s rampant and overwhelming.
A deeply harmful narrative that gay men aren’t as impacted by transgenderism, the redefining of homosexuality and biological sex is being propagated from within the gender critical crowd.
This is reflected in the way gender critical organizations almost entirely ignore gay mens plight. If you’re researching an understanding of the harms of transgenderism, it seems as if only lesbians and women are affected. It’s hard to find discussions surrounding how gay men are impacted.
Of course, women and lesbians should certainly be centered in these conversations. However, it’s time to stop pretending that gay men, asleep or not, aren’t impacted or that they don’t deserve a voice in this discussion.
I’m reminded of the radfem debate surrounding porn and sex work. A special regard is afforded, by some, for women who do porn and sex work because radical feminism understands that women, as a demographic, aren’t fully awake to the issue. Contributing factors like patriarchal systems and cultures keeps them in the dark. They aren’t held to the same standard as men and key players within the sex work industry, because how on earth could you possibly condemn victims of an oppressive system, designed to blind its participants, for not understanding?
This same logic, which is reasonable and sound, is not applied to gay men regarding the trans debate. It is unforgivable, to some, that gay men remain unaware of the rising issues surrounding transgenderism and the harms it inflicts on women and gay people. Never mind that those harms make gay men victims of the ideology, too, regardless.
Gay men have a stake in this debate. Gay men have a seat at this table. Gay men have just as much to lose as lesbians and women. Gay men have lost just as much as lesbians and women.
Of course, it is gay mens responsibility to wake up and take action. And not just for ourselves, but for our lesbian sisters who need our allyship, now, more than ever. Similarly, however, any person critical of gender ideology has a responsibility to acknowledge how this issue impacts all people, even the ones that are slower to wake up.